Sufficient

If this year with God could be summed up in one word, that word would be sufficient. Webster’s defines sufficient as “enough; adequate.”

In the past 18 months, I have been through heartbreak, heartache, soul searching, parenting my inner child, uprooting lies, re-writing truths, and focusing on what a relationship with the Lord looks like for an adventurous and curious 26-year-old. Sure, I know Him; Sure, I LOVE Him; Of course, I trust Him. Wait. Do I really trust the Lord of the Universe?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6 

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 73:4

If you are someone who has ever had a door slam shut in your face; if you have struggled through singledom, anxiety or loneliness, I feel that you may have heard those verses before. I am also sure you’ve cried out “bullshit” a time-or-two.

I have. I have searched for worldly answers and violently shoved my journal to the ground.  I’ve ripped up devotionals and torn down calendars. I have let books sit on the shelf for months because the message was a little too personal. I’ve turned to unhealthy patterns and abused my body, mind, and soul.  When friendships have fallen apart, relationships have ended, and death has overcome families with grief I have asked, “Why” and debated the goodness of our Lord. In some moments the Lord has said to WAIT.

“But LOOKATTHISOPPORTUNITYGOD! Don’t you see this? What possibly could you have in store that is greater than this?”

And then, sufficiency and provision arrive and this questioning heart calms.  Miraculously, this free-spirited searcher forgets about trying to “figure it out.”  Wisdom has shown me that when I turn my questioning “Why” to an adoring “Thank You,” all the sudden:

I have a friend. I have two friends. I have a community. I have free housing. I have a job. I have two jobs! I have three jobs! I have support. I have advocates and mentors. Opportunity. Higher Education. 50+ AMAZING backpacking guides and a community of Christians that people only “talk” about knowing. When I lay it all out for him, the world shifts and miracles flood my vision.

And still, I am a doubtful human. Despite all of the evidence of his sufficiency I still ask:

Is He enough? Is the calling on my heart to know my Father more intimately the highest priority? Is God enough to fulfill ALL my needs? Is He sufficient in ALL things? Did his son really come for me? Am I really handing this over? Am I handing over my loneliness? Am I handing over my doubt? Am I handing over the hardened places in my heart and my greatest desires? Is comfort something I’m willing to let go of for the chance to know my Lord more fully? Is the God who hung the stars in the sky and knew this heart before it had a beat enough?

My heart and spirit say “Yes.

So I’m in battle. We all are. The destination is clear. The path, however, is convoluted and unknown. The enemy is real. So, let’s fight for His best. Let’s fight for His plan. Let’s fight to know our Lord more fully. And let’s try to believe that our God provides.

He is sufficient.

-C

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