Man Buns

Today I took a step back and let a sense of grief float into my mind. A year ago (on July 31st) I arrived in Southern California. For a while, I felt like I was back where I started. I’m realizing that was just the first lap of the race and that I’ve come so far! There is so much to look forward to: new friendships, man buns and a solid cortado; backpacking trips and a shot at my dream job(s).

But I’m sorting out a lot in my life, too: social circles, schools, career choices, the list goes on.
And in all of this chaos, if there is one thing that I stand firm in, it is my worthiness. Freely, it is mine.

And yet, I’m still perplexed by the inclusivity and exclusivity of worthiness.

It’s yours, welcome to the party you’ve been invited to this whole time. But it’s also mine, and it can’t be stolen.

Worthiness.
“To be of value.”

I come back to this quite often: I am worthy because I am.
In being a human.
In breathing the collection of gasses that make up our air.
In the inhale.
And in the exhale.
I am worthy.

I am worthy of a “Yes.”
I am worthy of the peace I feel in this moment.
I was born worthy.
I will remain worthy.

And no one can rob me of that sense of worth.
I can own up.
I can opt out.
I can decide to not believe it.

But, I am still worthy.
I am still worthy regardless of what anyone says or does.

As you stand there, taking in the mistake you’re already regretting, the error to even imply that I am not worthy, I am sprinting towards my worthiness.

Oh, you best not fuck with my worth.
With my peace.
It begins here. With me. And it ends here. With me.

And that is wisdom. The wisdom to know what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the ability to decipher the fine line between control and release. Wisdom.

And I am worthy of that, too. Wisdom.

I am worthy of time.
I am worthy of a kick-ass salary.
I am worthy of desire.
I am worthy of an opinion.
I am worthy of adventurous love.

I am worthy of man buns and artist lofts, dammit.

I am worthy of connection.
I am worthy of the space I take up.
I am worthy of my voice, always.
I am worthy of my creative process.
I am worthy of an eclectic lifestyle.
I am worthy of time. And goals. And dreams.

I am worthy because I am.
And you are, too.
In being human.
In breathing the collection of gasses that make up our air.
In the inhale.
And in the exhale.
You are worthy, too.

Run far and fast from anyone or anything that threatens your worth. Sprint. Call on your tribe. Fight for that space. Bask in that glory. You are so, so worthy, my dear. 

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